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Conflict Management Strategies eNewsletter
Vol
III, Issue 2, June, 2006
Why People Don’t Ask
I
just finished listening to Jack Canfield’s The Success
Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want
to Be. Some of you may recognize Mr. Canfield as the creator
of the enormously successful Chicken Soup for the Soul series.
I figured given his success he must have some good advice.
He does. One of his Success Principles was “Just Ask”.
The
premise behind the principle is that people hinder their own
success by not asking for what they want. According to Mr.
Canfield, people avoid asking because their brains go straight
to the worst case scenario which rarely, if ever, materializes.
At this point, I started talking to back to the audio book.
“That is not it!!! That might be part of it, but the
fear of risk is not the whole story.”
Reasons Why People Don’t Ask
I
pulled over and jotted down NO LESS THAN 17 REASONS why people
don’t ask. Here are my top picks.
-
The risk of asking IS real because only “complainers”
or “malcontents” ask for something different.
-
Unsure what the next step will be if the answer is “no.”
-
Asking has gone badly in the past.
-
Some people make it difficult to ask by belittling you or
the request
-
Not realizing that asking IS an option.
-
Just don’t know HOW.
Learning to ask for what you want in the workplace and in
life is not easy. You must first determine what is important
to you then put yourself out there and Ask.
Next
month I will tell you HOW to ask when facing uncomfortable
asking situations.
Action Tools: For Anyone Receiving a Request
Employees
take a risk by asking, and to them the risk is REAL. Your
employees are your organization’s greatest asset. If
they feel undervalued, unappreciated, disrespected, or UNHEARD
by you, they will …here is your best case scenario…under
perform or leave the organization or ….worst case scenario…undermine
you or sabotage the organization.
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Here
is what to do next time someone
asks you for something
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1.
STOP what
you are doing. Get off the phone. Step away from the computer.
Put down the paper work.
2.
LOOK the person
in the eye.
3.
LISTEN to
what they have to say. Most people can not or will not speak
uninterrupted for more than 1 minute anyway. Don’t
believe me? Time it.
A
willingness to listen goes a long way in building loyalty.
At some point, you may ask your staff to really go the extra
mile for you—not the organization, but you. They will
if they feel valued by you. They will leave you, watch you
twist in the wind, and have a good laugh at your expense
if they don’t feel valued by you.
4.
THANK THEM FOR TRUSTING YOU
TO BRING UP THE REQUEST. Grant it if you can. If
you need to ask someone else for permission, check out next
months eNews! I will talk about HOW to ask to get results!!
Let
me know how it goes. Good luck!!!
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Feedback from “Human Resources Biggest Mistake”
May 2006 eNews
“I
just read through your article and AMEN!!! The trick is to
get employers to realize that there is a monetary benefit
to treating employees with respect. In the litigation setting,
they get very focused on "compliance" because that
is what will keep them from having to pay out on claims. I
don't think that employers always see that going beyond compliance
to encourage high employee morale can be a money-maker, too.
It seems that there is a lot of potential for education in
this area as well as conflict management.”
Shelly,
Employment Law Attorney
On
the Action Tools:
“At
first, I read the 5 questions as only questions that I ask
myself to prepare for a conversation with someone else. When
I re-read the Action Tools, I realized that you were talking
about an interactive process. Now I have 2 sets of tools.
One to prepare myself for the conversation and one to use
during the conversation.”
Jon,
Airline Pilot
On
the importance of Action Item question 5 –Focusing on
joint action problem solving.
“I have recently learned, painfully so, that rescuing
diminishes the other person’s belief in their own autonomy….so
much so that they will turn on you if need be…..not
intentionally or even consciously…..it’s the shadow
side of rescue if it happens too much or on big ticket items.
While picking through the pieces of my ego, I found my own
agenda! Now how powerful was that for my part!!
MaryAnn,
Not-for-Profit Office Manager
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Upcoming Events
Get
more Tips and Strategies from Carol at these Upcoming Events:
- Thursday,
June 22, Wenatchee, WA
Association of Public Safety Communications Officials
www.apcowa.org
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Interested
in bringing Carol to your workplace or professional association
for training, consulting or key note addresses? Call 253-219-5532
or visit www.ManagingConflict.com
Please
forward this issue.
We
spend so much of our waking hours at work for it to be an
uncomfortable, stressful place. I want to help you bring your
best to the workplace and handle sticky situations gracefully
and improve your working relationships. These Conflict Management
Strategies are intended to help you accomplish that.
If
you enjoy these articles, would you please forward this issue
to other people who might enjoy it or benefit from it?
Please
let others know they can sign up for their own subscription
to these articles. All they have to do is click here www.managingconflict.com
or cut and paste this address into their web browser to go
to my web site where they can sign up and receive Carol Bowser’s
Conflict Management Strategies.
I want to hear from YOU
I want to know about your challenges in the workplace and
your successes from using the tips and strategies discussed
here or from a Conflict Management Strategies Training or
Key Note Address! Is there a particular situation you are
struggling with or a success you want to celebrate? Share
it with me.
Here
is how: Send an email to cb@managingconflict.com
Describe the situation from your perspective, tell me what
tip or strategy you used, and the results you had.
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AND REPRINTS
Reprint permission is granted when the following credit appears:
"© Carol Bowser, JD, 2006. Reprinted with permission
from 'Carol Bowser’s Conflict Management Strategies,'
an internet newsletter. For your own personal subscription,
go to www.ManagingConflict.com "
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