Hope and faith are important things.  I don’t think that humans could survive with out hope and faith.  Unfortuately, too often hope and faith are used to make promotional decisions.

Case on point: hoping that the Star Performer will become a Star Leader.

By placing faith in  a Star Performer to transform into a Star Leader is foolish.  A well-intentioned, but foolish, choice that places the organizatioh at risk and can negatively impact peoples lives.

It is often said that “people don’t leave companies; they leave bosses.”  The traits that make some one look like great pomotion potential from above: task focused, high achiever, go-getter, works well with out direction, innovator, driven are THE SAME traits that can make poor leaders. 

Why?

Because the go-getter attitude may sideline important LEADERSHIP TRAITS such as empathy, time to listen, relationship building, willingness to listen to contrary opinions, in short…all those elements that insprie TRUST in others. 

Without TRUST from those who CHOOSE to follow-there is NO LEADER . Therefore, NO LEADERSHIP.

So look beyond, the Star Performance. Look to the ACTUAL STAR LEADERSHIP that currently exists.

Who do people TRUST in the organization?

Who looks out for their TEAM as much as themselves?

Who continually holds themselves ACCOUNTABLE?

Who is ADMIRED by thier peers, not just liked by those up the food chain?

Who has a THIRST for learning?

Who has the HUMILITY to know that there is alot to learn-no matter how long they have been around the block?

Who WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO FOLLOW COME HELL OR HIGH WATER OR BOTH?

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A colleague just sent me a link to a CNN article that says employees are too afraid to take vacation-because they are afraid that during any time away from work their employer will discover that the job can be done with out them. (Here is the link )

Fear has taken hold-the Monkey Brain has taken over. The Monkey Brain is that part of us where the fear response lives. The Monkey Brain engages and creativity dies, logic dies, freak-outs thrive.

So what can you do? Simple. Tame the Monkey.

The Monkey Brain is triggered by threats. In the working world that is down turns in the economy, lay off’s, performance reviews, restructuring, escalating tension, cut-backs, mergers, and bankruptcies.

I find that the common denominator is a feeling of lack of meaningful control and a sense of “I don’t know what I can do here!!!!!!” This feeling of lack of control often hides behind “IT’s NOT FAIR!!!”

Have honest conversations.

Name the elephant in the room.

It is OK to tell people that you don’t know or that you aren’t at liberty to tell them

No one really knows everything that is  going on.  Do your best to share what information you can.   Avoid-like the plague-speculating.  It doesn’t help and only serves to increase tension.

Ask people what they would like to have happen. They may not know or what they want is not with in your power to deliver.  Just get folks to start talking.   It is your best Monkey taming technique.

If you want more tips- please visit www.managingconflict.com and check out the enews archive page for articles and action tools.

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Join me on June 3 at 3 pm Pacific time.  I will be the guest of Larry Kaminer, President of The Personal Safety Training Group (www.personalsafetygroup.com )for Blog Talk Radio Live Call in Program Managing Conflict in the Workplace. We will talk about:

Early recognition of tension, conflict, and potential violence in the workplace and the impact of gender on workplace conflict and resolution. Cool stuff that you really need to know.

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Yes, conflict is contagious! Suprised? I will bet not. Emotion is contageous. As contageous as a yawn or the Swine Flu.

You can’t be responsible for someone else’s happiness or anger. You can only be responsible for yourself BUT you can take a tempurature of the emotional environment of your workplace.

Are people laughing? Are people talking about each other or to each other? Is there something in place to help people handle stress?

Here is my advice.

Ask yourself these questions:

How am I doing with this work environment–really?

What is really freaking me out?

What am I disappointed with?

Would my co-workers or boss agree with me or would they describe me differently?

What one thing can I do to help me make it to lunch? To the end of the day? To the end of the week?

Then- seek out others just to say hello and how is it going. If you are concerned, share your concern then share what you are doing to make it through the day.

Why? Because unless the GIANT Pink Elephant in the room is addressed it will grow and suck the life force out of everyone. The result is that the conflict s.unless identified and addressed the emotional climate will worsen.

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1. Name the elephant in the room – yours & theirs. Acknowledge out loud that you and others are worried. It is a WASTE of emotional and psychological energy to either pretend the elephant doesn’t exist or to ignore it.

2. Avoid the blame game. Self-righteousness keeps feelings of victimization on life support.

3. Recognize that people really can’t compartmentalize their emotional states. Happy, sad, stressed – one area of our life will seep into others.

4. Stress, concern, and increased tension will cause people to have a short fuse. Expect more arguments and push back at work-but in strange and unexpected areas. Help peers and yourself. A re you angry at the person or task in front of you-or is it just a convenient target? (For action tools to address this check out The case of the convenient victim as well as the reply in the Feedback section of the next enews. )

5. If you are targeted, attempt to recognize it as the person’s way of expressing frustration.

6. Anger is an energy-redirect the energy. Take a walk. Take up kick boxing, write in a journal, have a 5 minute pity party, clean your workspace, jump up and down.

7. 60 second vent-write down everything that is pissing you off, irritating you or otherwise is “just not fair”. Cross out what is outside your immediate influence or it will take more time and emotional energy than you have this week. Determine what is within your circle of influence. Don’t ruminate over the rest.

8. Create best case-worst case & most likely case scenarios. Have an action plan for each.

9. Think of 10 things that you are grateful for – write those on 10 sticky notes and post them around your work space.

10. Then pick 1 thing that you can do something about and do just one small thing.

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I just read this great article by Jocelyn Noveck of the Associated Press about (now former) Governor of New York-Eliot Spitzer. The headline read "Why the powerful do dumb things?" As someone who regularly dives into situation where people made some pretty poor choice. Ms. Noveck had me hooked. She then had me laughing and nodding with 100% agreement.

" Yet, if the New York Governor is proved to have been involved in a prostitution ring, it would hardly be the first time that a powerful, brilliant person in public life has done something dizzyingly self destructive."

Dizzyingly self destructive. I love that quote and as a person who steps in to messes at work. I say that Ms. Novek is on the mark. Much of what I see is that people create circumstances where they get in their own way-primarily by making poor choices. Choices, by the way, that seemed like a good idea at the time. So Governor Spitzer, I am sure that calling a prostitute from a hotel room seemed like a viable option to pass the time…whatever.

However, talk about not seeing the forest for the trees. I think had he asked for some advice or disclosed his idea to a trusted adviser-even his dog- his actions might have been different. Yet, how often do we make choices in secret. Don’t seek objective feedback. Bounce ideas off of someone to our detriment?

Here is the other part of the article that I really liked " In order to be such a high profile position, you have to believe that what you are din gin innately right"

So how does this apply to the average working person, manager, or owner? Simple, we too lack introspection. Managers-realistically- can not delve in to deep consequential analysis with every decision. The nature of management is to make decisions-often decisions that impact the lives of others.

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True story. A woman worked for a small business. Boss/owner was in the office everyday and hyper-viligilent about “customer service.” The company offices were small enough so that every phone call could be heard. More important for this story, the single-stall restroom was immediately off of the main work area. When a customer called and sales reps were in the restroom, the boss would stand–get this–outside the door and yell that “Your client is on the phone! Hurry up!”

Nice.

Now as a business owner and as a consumer, I am all about providing great customer service, but come on!!! What this boss did not appreciate was the signifcance of recognizing and honoring personal and professional boundaries. As a result, he created a very uncomfortable workplace.

Did the conduct rise to the level of illegal harassment or bullying. Probably not. Did it create uncomfortable situations in the workplace. You bet. Unfortunately, the problem of not repecting boundaries or too intrusive bosses is widespread.

Take a look at About.com’s workplace site or one of my favorate sites http://www.badbossology.com/

Each of us has a personal and professional boundary and if someone comes trespassing it is up to you to tell the offending party. No fair playing the “he should know” card. Maybe he should know. Maybe you should remind him (or her).

If you want some guidance on how to start or stay in the conversation, take a look at my website http://www.managingconflict.com/ for free articles.

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