I just read this great article  by Jocelyn Noveck of the Associated Press about  (now former) Governor of New York-Eliot Spitzer. The headline read “Why the powerful do dumb things?” As someone who regularly dives into situation where people made some pretty poor choice.  Ms. Noveck had me hooked.  She then had me laughing and nodding with 100% agreement.  

 “ Yet, if the New York Governor is proved to have been involved in a prostitution ring, it would hardly be the first time that a powerful, brilliant person in public life has done something dizzyingly self destructive.”

Dizzyingly self destructive.  I love that quote and as a person who steps in to messes at work. I say that Ms. Novek is on the mark.  Much of what I see is that people create circumstances where they get in their own way –primarily by making poor choices. Choices, by the way, that seemed like a good idea at the time.  So Governor Spitzer, I am sure that calling a prostitute from a hotel room seemed like a viable option to pass the time….whatever.

However, talk about not seeing the forest for the trees. I think had he asked for some advice or disclosed his idea to a trusted advisor –even his dog- his actions might have been different.  Yet, how often do we make choices in secret. Don’t seek objective feedback. Bounce ideas off of someone to our detriment?

Here is the other part of the article that I really liked “ In order to be such a high profile position, you have to believe that what you are din gin innately right” 

 So how does this apply to the average working person, manager, or owner?  Simple, we too lack introspection. Managers-realistically- can not delve in to deep consequential anaylsis with every decision.  The nature of management is to make decisions –often decisions that impact the lives of others.

Work Life Balance Is a Myth!! I know that I am about to skewer a sacred cow here.  Expose the fact that the transparent, dangling carrot of achieving “balance” between the demands of the workplace, demands of home life and the aspiration of achieving harmony, Zen, and self-fulfillment is as real as the Wizard of Oz.

Well, I am saying it.  There is no balance. Every time I hear the term, I feel a boiling rage inside. Why? Because I get a mental image of a circus seal with a hat balancing on a big, beach ball, on one flipper.  I also have flashbacks of attempting to bend myself into a pretzel in vain attempts to achieve the balance.
Balance no. Congruence, yes.

Work and life must be in congruence with one another.  Banish the guilt. Banish the fallacy “if I just worked harder,” “if I was a better person,” “if I had better time management skills,” “if I just didn’t stay up watching CSI Miami last night.”
So how does this relate to conflict at work?  Simple - if people are over-stressed, blaming and shaming themselves for not being good enough and not doing good enough, they are ripe for workplace conflict.  They are overly sensitive to criticism.  They may withdraw.  Or worse, lash out inappropriately.  The result is damaged credibility and damaged workplace relationships.
Anyone else out there felt pretzel-like?  Interested in your comments. 

True story.  A woman worked for a small business. Boss/owner was in the office everyday and hyper-viligilent about “customer service.”  The company offices were small enough so that every phone call could be heard.  More important for this story, the single-stall restroom was immediately off of the main work area.  When a customer called and sales reps were in the restroom, the boss would stand–get this–outside the door and yell that ”Your client is on the phone! Hurry up!” 

Nice.

Now as a business owner and as a consumer, I am all about providing great customer service, but come on!!!  What this boss did not appreciate was the signifcance of recognizing and honoring personal and professional boundaries.  As a result, he created a very uncomfortable workplace. 

Did the conduct rise to the level of illegal harassment or bullying.  Probably not.  Did it create uncomfortable situations in the workplace. You bet.  Unfortunately, the problem of not repecting boundaries or too intrusive bosses is widespread. 

Take a look at About.com’s workplace site  or one of my favorate sites http://www.badbossology.com/

Each of us has a personal and professional boundary and if someone comes trespassing it is up to you to tell the offending party.  No fair playing the “he should know” card.  Maybe he should know.  Maybe you should remind him (or her).

If you want some guidance on how to start or stay in the conversation, take a look at my website http://www.managingconflict.com/ for free articles.