Managing Conflict » office conflict

Sitting in Judgment On Others – Ground Zero of Workplace Conflict

Carol Bowser — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:50:27 +0000

There is something delicious about sitting in judgment of others.

I was having coffee with someone last week and the subject of judging others came up.

It got me thinking….why do we sit in judgment of others?

Is it because it is part of our job description?

Is it because we like being “right” and telling others that they are “wrong” or at least “not as right as we are?”

More importantly, what is the impact on us, the workplace, and our peers when we sit in judgment of others AND do so inappropriately?

What I mean by “inappropriately“?

Let me paint a picture…You are working hard. Someone says something to you that YOU find dumb, insensitive, or whacked. You make a determination about that person’s character and competence BUT you never check it out to see if the person INTENDED to mean, insensitive or whacked.

As a result, your working relationship changes for the worse.

I will bet for those people with whom you have a poor working relationship that you can point to an exact moment when the relationship went downhill.

Now take 5 seconds to evaluate if you ever checked in with the person to verify if they did indeed INTEND to damage you or the working relationship. If you didn’t verify their intention then you may have inappropriately sat in judgment.

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Do Star Performers Make Good Leaders?

Carol Bowser — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 18:13:43 +0000

Hope and faith are important things. I don’t think that humans could survive with out hope and faith. Unfortuately, too often hope and faith are used to make promotional decisions.

Case on point: hoping that the Star Performer will become a Star Leader.

By placing faith in a Star Performer to transform into a Star Leader is foolish. A well-intentioned, but foolish, choice that places the organizatioh at risk and can negatively impact peoples lives.

It is often said that “people don’t leave companies; they leave bosses.” The traits that make some one look like great pomotion potential from above: task focused, high achiever, go-getter, works well with out direction, innovator, driven are THE SAME traits that can make poor leaders.

Why?

Because the go-getter attitude may sideline important LEADERSHIP TRAITS such as empathy, time to listen, relationship building, willingness to listen to contrary opinions, in short…all those elements that insprie TRUST in others.

Without TRUST from those who CHOOSE to follow-there is NO LEADER . Therefore, NO LEADERSHIP.

So look beyond, the Star Performance. Look to the ACTUAL STAR LEADERSHIP that currently exists.

Who do people TRUST in the organization?

Who looks out for their TEAM as much as themselves?

Who continually holds themselves ACCOUNTABLE?

Who is ADMIRED by thier peers, not just liked by those up the food chain?

Who has a THIRST for learning?

Who has the HUMILITY to know that there is alot to learn-no matter how long they have been around the block?

Who WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO FOLLOW COME HELL OR HIGH WATER OR BOTH?

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Work Does Matter-Radio Show: How to Handle Workplace Conflict

Carol Bowser — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 17:28:15 +0000

Earlier this month, I was a guest on Denise Rubin’s Radio Program Work Does Matter. It was a great conversation about how to handle workplace conflict, the definition of “hackles”, and tactics that work. Give it a listen via the Work Does Matter Web site. Tell me what you think. Really. I know that some of you do have differenct opinions.

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Reflections of a Workplace Investigator

Carol Bowser — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 19:23:51 +0000

I am so pleased to share with you this post by guest blogger Amy Stephson. Amy and I have enjoyed coffee dates talking shop about workplace harassment and conflict. I thought that you would ejnoy hearing some words of wisdome from her.

Reflections of a Workplace Investigator.

A gay male employee complains: My co-worker and her husband lunch together every day, but it’s discriminatory that she doesn’t want me to discuss my same sex partner. The co-worker says: I’m a Christian and homosexuality is against my religion. I’m happy to interact with my gay co-worker, but don’t want to have to hear about his partner.

An African-American employee complains: My co-workers laugh and talk about me in their native language. This is harassment. The co-workers reply: When we use our language, we’re not talking about her; we’re just chatting and only do it when no one else is around. Our employer’s policy allows us to speak in our language and it would be discriminatory to stop us.

These are just two of the many scenarios in the life of a workplace investigator. Most are more mundane: Managers have terrible communication skills or play favorites. Poor performers blame bias rather than their job performance. Managers have anger problems. Perceptually challenged employees create havoc. People hate their jobs, but can’t find another that pays as well, so make trouble.

And now a new source of conflict is creating challenges in the workplace: generational diversity. The 62-79 year-old “Matures” (as consultant Karyl K. Innis calls them) have very different attitudes toward work than the 43-66 year-old Boomers, who in turn have different attitudes than the 28–42 year-old “Gen X’ers” or the under-28 “Gen Y’s.”

Is there an underlying reason for all this? Much of it is just human nature: people are complex, see the world through their own perceptual lens, have competing interests, have personality conflicts, lack the necessary competencies, offend and get offended. We live in a country where personal boundaries are often blurred, many have a sense of entitlement or victimhood, and television shows workplaces where there’s more talk of sex than work.

There’s another reason why employers end up having to hire investigators: They fail to prevent conflict through policies, training, and coaching. And then, when conflicts do arise, they fail to manage them in a timely manner. Proactively dealing with conflict may seem like a distraction, but it’s an essential part of risk management and running a productive, efficient business.

***
Amy Stephson is a Seattle employment attorney whose practice emphasizes conducting independent workplace investigations. She is also a workplace consultant and coach. She can be reached at http://www.amystephson.com.

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Poking the Hornets Nest- How Motorola Let Emotions Get in the Way

Carol Bowser — Wed, 20 May 2009 17:41:41 +0000

“Sometimes emotions get in the way of judgment.” So says Richard Robbins, an Atlanta based employment law attorney. Robbins comments were based on the Wrongful Termination lawsuit that former Motorola CFO has brought.

Here is the short version. Motorola CFO made remarks during a Board meeting intending to rally the Board to action. It worked, but the Hornets went after him instead. The very next day, he was fired. He now is suing. So whose emotions got in the way of judgment? My educated guess is everyone’s over a long period of time.

For more of the details check out this article on Corporate Counsel Center . Frankly, I find it somewhat refreshing that SOMEONE has acknoweldged that emotions can impact decisions and that a breakdown of a working relationship can and DOES lead to bad stuff happening—even in the C Suite.

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Why conflict at work escalates

Carol Bowser — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 22:45:53 +0000

I am always amazed of people’s need to be “Right” and how the need to be “Right” impedes the process of problem solving. So why is it that we want to resolve conflict but hold on so tightly to being “Right” and explaining the “Rightness” of our position with so much righteousness that we escalate the argument?

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Top 10 List How to Help Employees, Peers & Yourself in Times of Turbulence

Carol Bowser — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:58:32 +0000

1. Name the elephant in the room – yours & theirs. Acknowledge out loud that you and others are worried. It is a WASTE of emotional and psychological energy to either pretend the elephant doesn’t exist or to ignore it.

2. Avoid the blame game. Self-righteousness keeps feelings of victimization on life support.

3. Recognize that people really can’t compartmentalize their emotional states. Happy, sad, stressed – one area of our life will seep into others.

4. Stress, concern, and increased tension will cause people to have a short fuse. Expect more arguments and push back at work-but in strange and unexpected areas. Help peers and yourself. A re you angry at the person or task in front of you-or is it just a convenient target? (For action tools to address this check out The case of the convenient victim as well as the reply in the Feedback section of the next enews. )

5. If you are targeted, attempt to recognize it as the person’s way of expressing frustration.

6. Anger is an energy-redirect the energy. Take a walk. Take up kick boxing, write in a journal, have a 5 minute pity party, clean your workspace, jump up and down.

7. 60 second vent-write down everything that is pissing you off, irritating you or otherwise is “just not fair”. Cross out what is outside your immediate influence or it will take more time and emotional energy than you have this week. Determine what is within your circle of influence. Don’t ruminate over the rest.

8. Create best case-worst case & most likely case scenarios. Have an action plan for each.

9. Think of 10 things that you are grateful for – write those on 10 sticky notes and post them around your work space.

10. Then pick 1 thing that you can do something about and do just one small thing.

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Why Reality TV Is Bad For The Workplace.

Carol Bowser — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:13:57 +0000

I admit it. I love, love, love reality TV. Project Runway, The Apprentice, Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares, The Amazing Race, The Next Food Network Star. I spend every Sunday catching up on the trauma and drama of people fighting to make it to the top or stay out of the bottom.

Why do I love these shows that glorify malfunction, back biting, and nastiness? Because as someone who dives into others conflict all the time, it is like Jane Goodall observing the chimps.

What is good for ratings and interesting entertainment is actually horrid for the workplace. Through shows like the Apprentice, Hell’s Kitchen, and Project Runway naive people are learning everything not to do to be successful at work.

Teamwork? No way! Look out for number one. Respectful communication? Nope. Snipe and gossip. Conflict resolution skills? Forget it!

One lesson that is spot on..if you mess with someone, they will not forget and will try and take you down.

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What you can learn about resolving conflict from Deal-Makers.

Carol Bowser — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 00:09:52 +0000

We often think about conflict as something to be avoided. Unfortunately we do get caught up in the trauma and drama of the workplace and can’t figure out how to get out of the mess-without more trauma, drama and mess.

Well, I just read this great article in the October issue of Pink Magazine (for a FREE trial issue go to www.pinkmagazine.com). The article Diamond Deal by Tiffany Meyers. Don’t be put off by what looks like a bad ad for a pyramid scheme jewelry franchise. The article has some concrete tips on how to get deals done. These tips are readily transferable to how to address tough situation at work.

There are 5 main categories that provide 21 tips. Here are my top 5 of those 21 tips.

Listen to Learn-Since much of the information you need isn’t on the surface, get comfortable reading between the lines.
Thinking Past the Handshake-In the heat of the moment, when emotion might otherwise cloud judgment, return to the objectives you’ve identified as important.
Maintaining Perspective- Acknowledge strong emotions if they crop up-but don’t let them drive decisions.
Calling for Backup-Understand that you’ll probably never have all the information you want or feel that you need.
Setting the Tone- Know what the other side stands to gain from the deal, Once you understand that , negotiations are easy.

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